HEART MARRIAGE -- LEGAL MARRIAGE

Hearts welded together in love is the requisite, then, for "heart marriage." Whatever the legal custom is, then, is the requirement for "legal marriages." You cannot call the union of every Mr. and Mrs. a marriage. Many are merely legal permits to live together, respectably, or respectively.
The well known story in Gen. 29:16-28 of the problems Jacob had in his wooing of Rachel is a classic illustration of these two types of marriage.
"And Laban had two daughters; the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah was tender eyed, but Rachel was beautiful and well favored.
And Jacob loved Rachel and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel, thy younger daughter. And Laban said, "It is better that I give her to thee than that I should give her to another man; abide with me." And Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her. And Jacob said unto Laban, Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in unto her. And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast.
And it came to pass in the evening that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to him, and he went in unto her. And it came to pass in the morning, behold it was Leah. (Now just imagine that!) And he said to Laban, What is this thou hast done unto me? Did not I serve with thee for Rachel? Wherefore then hast thou beguiled me? And Laban said, It must not be so done in our country to give the younger before the firstborn. Fulfill her week, and we will give thee this also for the service which thou shalt serve with me yet seven other years. And Jacob did so, and fulfilled her week; and he gave him Rachel his daughter to wife also. And he went in unto Rachel and he loved also Rachel more than Leah, and served with him yet seven other years."
Society governs legality, but the principles of true matrimony were established by God. According to their customs, or laws, he was legally married to Leah, but did not get the "pink slip" on Rachel for seven years later. This one he loved, but had a legal permit to live with the other. To which of these, then, was he really married? With which did he have unity, physically, mentally, and spiritually? Was it with the one with whom he lived seven years before they were "married"?
Could you say that God had joined Jacob and his first wife together?
Quickly sonic of you already may have jumped to a conclusion: This Writer has become an advocate of free love. Verily no! For this same Book which gave us these principles of marriage, gave us also the commandment to abide by the laws of our country, being subject to authority over us. In our country a license and a marriage ceremony are both required. The sin of omission is equal to that of commission. One purpose of this Study is to challenge you to know and understand that our tremendous problem of divorce is marriage.
In presenting this series on Marriage recently, to a group of Missionaries dedicated to teaching Truth to the heathen, one precious child of God whom I love dearly and appreciate the effective work she and her husband are doing, became exasperated, with unconcealed warmth. Into the air were flung expressions as: ... "No right to meddle into our private lives. I don't have to obey him ... I know best ... How do you know whether God joined us together or not? According to this then I am not even married ... What do you want us to do, get a divorce? ..."
Another wise son of God simply said, "Get married!"
This is my answer.
Throughout the scriptures, God uses the parallel of Love and marriage between a husband and wife to express or describe the spiritual union or relationship with Christ and His Bride, the Church. With Him the principle is synonymous. The physical or natural helps us to understand the spiritual; the spiritual helps us understand the physical.
In Ephesians 5: 22-23 wives and husbands are given certain commandments: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands, in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for it; That He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That He might present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband."First let us deal with the duties of a wife. One, amplified, commandment is given the wife: submit.
As used in this passage submit comes from a Greek word, hupotasso, which means to subordinate; to obey; be under obedience; put under; subdue unto; subject to. Generally, it means beneath; below, inferior position; determine. Specifically, in this exact usage, it means covertly, or modestly.
These last two words clarify the relationship the Holy Spirit intended the true wife toward her husband. Webster defines covertly as secretly; in private; sheltered; not open or exposed. Moderately means not going to extremes; keeping within the bounds; not excessive; not violent or rigorous.
Thinking of the wife's submission to her husband under these impulses makes the teaching compatible with all Christ's teachings. She is not to wear a sign that she is holding an inferior position in the household and being dominated by her husband. Indeed, if the husband is fulfilling his part, she can not be. The love agreement between them, God inspired, demands privacy in this realm. It is between the two of them that this relationship exists. Neither makes an open show -- he of his domination or she of her subordination, but in a sheltered, private, daily routine, because of respect and reverence, this partnership holds; from love, not force nor violence.
Allow your thoughts to trace out marriages you know that may have suffered irreparable damage because of a lack of proper understanding in this regulation. Often unbelieving husbands, claiming nothing from The Holy Word but this obedience of the wife, force her into a miserable conformity to his domination even in things spiritual. She might be drawn into insatiable hunger to fellowship with a group of Christian believers; he, unbelieving, forbids her. Then the battle: Do I obey the Lord who tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, or do I obey my husband? She might be led of the Holy Spirit to give of her increase, the tithe, to the Lord, but her husband forbids this giving. Does she obey the Lord or go by the admonition of the husband?
Oh how severe the trial! How sorely the people perish for want of knowledge! God, in His infinite wisdom and mercy, has given us the principle governing every phase of our living. There is the right answer even to this. He gave it. Husbands, Love your wives. Even as Christ loved the Church; even as they love their own bodies.
There was the believing wife who loved her unbelieving husband. She studied her Bible and longed to follow His precepts. She also worked, helping with the support of the children. One day, forcibly, through the reading of The Word, God spoke to her that she should pay tithes from the money she earned. Money was the sore spot of this union. So her battle began! Should she obey God or her husband? The situation was not just a thought principle, but became an enraged warfare at the discovery that ten dollars had been taken from the hundred she had made and thrown away -- robbing the children. She was forbidden, under threat, ever to tithe again.
Tears. Agony of heart. Weeping in prayer. Yet for all this that principle remained. God would not make an exception because of her particular situation. There was no other remedy but to give of her increase, for she preferred the reproach and condemnation of even her beloved husband to the danger of disobedience to God. Then she began to sneak around, slipping a little here (all the time her own money which she earned), holding out a little there, so at the first of the month, when her check was received, she might have the cherished tenth to secretly give to her Lord.
This condition is not an isolated one. Many are the sad cases of wives who are caught in this adversity. This woman sought help from an elderly couple whose lives were spent in spiritual living. She plainly presented her problem and three times they told her in the plainest terms, quoting nothing but The Word, God's answer, yet she could not grasp it; could not synchronize these two opposing acts of obedience.
Then the Light of revelation taught her: "Render unto God the things that are God's and unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's!" The tenth, principle of giving, is not man's but God's. Man, even a husband, cannot claim that portion therefore has no choice of control. Only when this truth seeped into her understanding did this believing wife find peace of mind. She was fulfilling all of God's commands by this recognition. In Christ Jesus, in things of the spirit, there is neither male or female. All are one in Him. Of the other ninety percent, the husband took control.
Obedience of the wife is over-emphasized and under-understood. Often the expression is chirped, "The husband is head of the house." Misquote. The husband is the head of the wife. But as to the managing of the house, several scriptures define this duty as the wife's or mother's. Possibly the most beautiful is found in Proverbs 31: 10-3 1.
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil (no lack of gain). She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant's ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth afield, and buyeth it; (a good business woman) with the fruit of her hands she procureth a vineyard (good manager).
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good; her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household; for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; (she is a teacher); and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates."
Surely this is God's plan for true marriage. No thought of our presumptuous idea of insubordination, inferiority and servitude. Her husband loved her. My conviction is that rarely would you ever find a woman who is greatly loved who does not instinctively submit, complementing the love.